the Power of Men’s Support Groups: A Comprehensive Guide
Are you looking to understand more about men’s support groups or seeking one close to home? Maybe you're eager to understand the dynamics of these groups? If so, you're in luck. I’m Dan Kline, and I've spent the last few years immersed in the world of men’s support groups, both as a participant, facilitator, and coach.
I first looked for a men’s support group near me when I was at rock bottom a few years ago. Trying a number out and not loving what I experienced, I created Authentc Men with a group of guys I connected deeply with in my quest for personal growth as a man. We create powerful conversations and community for men focused on self-growth and self-improvement.
I was lost when I first entered into the world of men’s groups. I was intimidated, scared, and uneasy - so I created a comprehensive guide for anyone interested in men’s work and men’s support groups.
Here’s what we’ll cover today:
1. What is a men’s group?
2. What is the purpose of support groups for men? Why do they exist?
3. How do guys get support?
4. What are the benefits of men’s work?
5. Topics in Men’s Support Groups
6. Diverse Participants in Support Circles
7. Types of Men’s Groups
8. The Best Formats for Men’s Groups
9. Creating a Healthy Group of Men
10. Empowering Even the Strongest Men
11. Joining a Successful Men’s Group
What is a men’s group?
A men’s support group is a close-knit meeting where men unite to navigate challenges, offering mutual support for personal growth, mental well-being, success, and happiness. These groups typically consist of 8-20 guys and meet regularly, fostering connections among men with various life experiences.
You could be going through a divorce, navigating health issues, or looking to grow your business. In an online support group and community, you can find the men who can give you what you’re looking for - connection and a space to be your authentic self.
What’s the purpose of support groups for men? Why do they exist?
In our evolutionary past, men thrived in close-knit communities where discussions on life's challenges were a natural part of daily interactions. Modern society, however, has veered towards isolation, contrary to our hardwired need for connection. Men’s support groups counteract this isolation, providing a crucial space for dialogue, empathy, and shared experiences.
There were rites of passage for young boys to become men in these ancient societies, sometimes called initiations. These younger, future leaders, would learn from the wisdom of older men to step into their own version of manhood.
Today, we’re isolated. Men even more so. This is due to societal pressures, the “lone wolf” mentality, and constant pressure for men to be providers and have their “shit figured out”. This is exacerbated by the use of technology like social media, and the proliferation of porn to simulate true, human connection. Connection our brains and bodies are hardwired for.
Research is now showing that isolation is detrimental to happiness, well-being, and health, so much so that the U.S. Surgeon General declared that Loneliness and Isolation are an Epidemic.
Some alarming statistics About men:
Male suicide rates in the US are nearly 4 times higher than that of women.
Men make up 50% of the population, but nearly 80% of suicides.
77% of men have suffered with symptoms of negative mental health.
Nearly 50% of men report feeling more depressed than they admit to people in their life, due to being embarrassed or because there is a “negative stigma” attached to the issue.
Over 35% of men think they’ve had a diagnosable mental health condition at some point in their life, but over half of them go undiagnosed.
40% of men reported that it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm to have them seek support.
Authentc Men is here to change that. While some guys can do the “lone wolf” thing, many cannot. The opportunities and spaces for men to connect authentically with other guys are simply disappearing, which is why Authentc Men and other men’s groups exist.
how do guys get support?
Recognizing that different men have different needs, it’s essential to seek professional help for specific challenges. However, the power of men’s support groups lies in the opportunity to share experiences and feelings, alleviating the burden and providing valuable perspectives.
Thousands of men have gotten what they needed just by sharing the burdens they are facing in their life and opening up about how they feel about it. Just the act of sharing in a safe space unburdens them, and leads to clarity in their decisions and lives.
Life is full of challenges. And when you ask most guys how they’re doing, they respond quickly with “I’m fine.” At most, if things are really hard, they may say, “Not so great, but I’m figuring it out.” This is because as men in today’s society, we’re taught that we have to face this all alone.
A lot of the guys we work with and support just need a place to go, be listened to, empathized with, and their feelings validated. It gets even more powerful when other men in these groups say these two powerful words: “Me too.” The irony of all of this, is that while men feel and are isolated, the simple reality is that they are not alone. Countless guys have experienced and are experiencing exactly the same challenges they are facing, and why there are so many topics guys can talk about with other men.
What are the benefits of Men’s Work?
Participating in a supportive men’s group has a ton of benefits, including:
Becoming more successful
Having healthier relationships at work and life
Becoming a better father, son, brother, friend, partner
Navigating separation, divorce, and breakups healthily and easily
Creating authentic, real friendships
Better sex and intimacy
A place vent with guys who care
Creating the life you want and having men hold you accountable to your goals
Authentc Men’s groups offer a unique blend of emotional support, guidance, and genuine connections, ultimately contributing to mental well-being, health improvements, and success.
Topics in Men’s Support Groups
The diversity of discussions within men’s support groups reflects the unique challenges each man faces. While each meeting may vary (no two look the same), common themes include:
Healthy Relationships
Divorce, Separation, and Breakups
Career success and progression
Finding Purpose
Grief and Loss
Fatherhood
Financial Struggles
Health scares and/or challenges
Personal Wellness
Finding work-life balance
Being a leader
Dating in today’s culture
Inclusivity and diversity
Mental Health and Well-being
and tons more!
Despite the variety, these discussions often resonate with every man in the room, addressing fundamental aspects of life. That’s because at Authentc Men we prioritize connecting on the shared emotional experience rather than the story - although the story and context is important too. At the end of the day, no matter what you’re facing, no one is going through a situation alone.
Diverse Participants in Support Circles
Men’s support groups attract guys from various backgrounds and they come from all walks of life, but have shared goals and values serving as the foundation. These shared values and goals typically are:
They are seeking authentic friendships and community
They have a desire to create a better life for themselves and those around them
They want to become a better man
They want to be of service to others
While initial impressions may vary, the unique perspectives each member brings contribute to the richness of the group, setting the stage for growth through diverse experiences.
Some of this shows up in how a new guy may “not like” another group member. He may be triggered by the way this other guy communicates or shows up in the group. Today, because of the bubbles of social media and our small circles, we’re not used to directness, or different ways of being. This can be intimidating or uncomfortable when faced with it the first time. But, what I’ve found is that these guys are the ones men learn from most, and often form the deepest of connections with.
Types of Men’s Groups
Men’s groups come in various forms, addressing specific goals, values, and interests. Whether focused on personal growth, divorce recovery, grief, spirituality, or even academic discussions, the diversity allows individuals to find a group that aligns with their unique needs. These are some examples of existing men’s groups that exist:
Personal growth groups: These are groups focused on becoming a better man. There are a variety out there, and each has their own benefits and approach.
Addiction Recovery Groups: these exist to help men overcome addiction in their lives. These can range, and some of the most popular are 12-step groups.
Divorce Support Groups: this is exactly what it sounds like, a group where men who are going through divorce or separation can come, be with other men, and navigate the emotional and legal complexities of the end of a relationship.
Spirituality-focused groups: some of these groups incorporate plant-medicine, but many are focused on helping men become more spiritual and enhancing their connection to the universe, world, and humanity.
Religious groups: there are a ton of religious men’s groups, and they do great work. It just happens to be focused on a specific religion.
Career support groups: this is where guys can come to discuss their career progression or finding their purpose through their work.
Relationship/dating groups: These focus on being in a healthy relationship and dating.
Personal finance groups: These groups are focused on helping men reach financial goals, independence, overcome debt, etc.
Entrepreneurship and Leadership Groups: Specifically for men in positions of leadership or starting up businesses who are looking for other men who have been on that journey.
There are tons of options for support groups for men out there, depending on exactly what you’re looking for.
The best formats for men’s support groups
Being a part of many different types of men’s groups throughout my life, I’ve learned some of the best formats and practices. While the formats of men’s support groups may differ, some common practices include introductions, setting intentions, rituals for group cohesion, deep discussions, clearing any unspoken resentments or conflicts, accountability checks, closing statements, and casual social follow-ups. The format choice depends on the goals and preferences of the group.
At Authentc Men, we’ve identified key components of creating strong, safe, and transformative group meetings, which is how every Authentc Men group is structured:
Business Round: Men get a few minutes in the beginning of the meeting to share any logistical updates that are important to the group (for example, next week’s group will be facilitated by X, because I’ll be on vacation).
Slow Down / Grounding: As guys we often carry the burden of the past or the worries of the future with us wherever we go. Starting off each meeting with a guided slow-down by our facilitators (sometimes it’s as simple as closing your eyes and breathing together) allows guys to become present and engaged in the here and now. This allows them to show up powerfully for themselves and for the other men in the group.
Introductions (we call them check-ins): This is a simple exercise we do to open up the space. A man introduces himself by name, shares physical sensations he is experiencing (tightness in his back, cold hands, a noisy upstairs neighbor, etc.), and shares the emotions he’s feeling (anger, sadness, excitement, gratitude, etc.). This often leads to a deeper discussion and connection amongst the group during the sharing portion because we hear where a man is at during every meeting.
A reading of agreements: to create safety in a group, we have identified the need to have clear agreements (link to agreements) each man upholds both in and out of the group. Things like confidentiality, no-fixing, showing up sober, and more. We recite these in every group both so new members can hear them, but also to remind our regular members of the importance of them.
Sharing (the work): Men get the opportunity to share what’s going on for them and the support they’re looking for during this time. This is the bulk of the meeting, and usually where transformation happens. Each man’s share is facilitated by a trained facilitator, and there are reflection periods where other men in the group can have input on how a man’s share impacted him. The facilitator usually uses a somatic approach to guide a man deeper into his experience.
Check-Outs: This is where each man shares a one or two word check-out of how they’re feeling after the group. It’s a strong way to close the group until the next one.
Follow Ups: Sometimes there’s so much energy at the end of a group, that men want to stay and connect socially. This is where guys exchange information, laugh, and hang out.
Creating a healthy group of men
Having a strong and consistent meeting structure is just one piece of the puzzle. There is something else that is critical to create a healthy, powerful group of men. Over the years, here is what we’ve found makes up an impactful men’s group; at Authentc Men, we call them agreements:
Confidentiality: As men, it’s hard enough to be vulnerable. We don’t want our deepest challenges, feelings, insecurities, and experiences aired out to the world. Confidentiality is the most important and fundamental agreement every man has to abide by to have a healthy men’s support group.
Show Up & Be Present: All too often we bring things with us from yesterday (or 10 years ago), or are worried about tomorrow’s to-do list when we interact with others. To get the most out of your group bring your full self and presence with you.
Participate however you want: Men are encouraged to take healthy risks, share, and be vulnerable - but it isn’t required! Men can participate just by holding space or being present as another man shares.
No Fixing: Men want to fix - it’s what we’re good at. But to create a healthy men’s support group we should create an environment where a man finds the strength, encouragement, and hope to make decisions and take action himself without being told what to do.
No Judgment: Again, to create a space that is safe for men to open up, we should become aware of our judgments, pause, and look at them as a way to understand ourselves and other men better.
Be courageous with your truth: Speaking one’s truth can feel scary, because it may be different from other group members. That is okay, and even encouraged. This is how we grow and learn as men from one another.
Flatten hierarchies: Men should be aware of how they’re positioned in any social/organizational hierarchies, and how that may impact how they show up in a men’s group. As we work to flatten them - to see each man as an equal - we create opportunities for authentic connection.
Transparency, solution-oriented discussions, healthy challenges, openness to feedback, and consistent attendance are other key components of a healthy men’s group. These elements create an environment conducive to personal growth, mutual support, and lasting connections.
Empowering even the strongest of Men
Contrary to common misconceptions, men from all walks of life benefit from support groups. Even powerful individuals, often part of syndicates, think-tanks, or masterminds, can trace their roots back to men’s support groups.
Groups like the Freemasons, fraternities, Elk lodges, Young Presidents’ Organization, and more all were founded with similar tenets to today’s men’s support groups.
US Presidents, government officials, military leaders, business leaders, sports legends, and more have benefited from sitting in a circle of men to get support, encouragement, and perspective from their peers.
These forums offer a space for sharing challenges and receiving guidance on personal and business matters.
Joining a Successful Men’s Group
You can start a men’s group, which is rewarding, and also extremely challenging. Putting yourself out there in your community feels vulnerable, and can often get less-than-ideal results. That’s why it’s a lot easier to join an existing community or group of men on similar journeys.
If you want to start your own group, feel free to learn more about our tips here.
If you’d rather join an existing community of men focused on becoming the men they want to be, with tons of topics they’re talking about regularly, do your research, find what works for you, and try some out.
We love MenLiving and Meetup, but you can also Google Men’s Groups Online to see all of the other options that are out there.
At Authentc Men, we’re not here to convince every man to join our platform, we know that we’re not for everyone. But feel free to check us out, and if it feels right to you, join us in our community of Authentc Men.
In conclusion, men’s support groups offer a powerful avenue for growth, connection, and well-being. And they are needed! Men are suffering due to isolation, loneliness, and societal pressures. By understanding their dynamics, purpose, and benefits, individuals can embark on a journey to find or initiate a group that creates lasting positive change and authentic friendships.
Thanks for reading and we hope you got your questions answered about men’s support groups and men’s work!
